Jonny has a soy and cows milk allergy-
I was just thinking recently, as he is almost 8 months old, what I will be feeding him when he turns one. I cant wait to get him off this 30 dollars a can formula! Its killer! Lets hope the next baby doesn't also have a milk allergy! I believe its a protein allergy- which means it is most likely casein? Its funny because my husband takes huge scoops of casein daily! with milk! Wondering how im gonna cook for this boy, should his allergy continue- and with the potential of not being near a whole foods store which will limit options.. It should be interesting :(
Posts from other moms to remember:
My son is 17 months and has a milk allergy. Check out Whole Foods or another health food/organic store. You'll be amazed what they can eat. My son drinks hemp milk as his milk replacement; it has almost as much fat as whole milk, which is important for toddlers. He loves it. He also eats vegan cheese, and has recently tried two kinds of vegan yogurt (one made from soy milk, one made from coconut milk). All of these items are typically fortified with calcium and vitamins, like milk. When I'm cooking for the family, I usually replace butter with oil and milk with rice milk with positive results. You also have to read labels carefully. For example, some bread has milk in it, some doesn't. If you google milk allergy, you can find lists of ingredients to avoid. It's a little bit expensive, but there are definitely plenty of things your little one can eat!
Do you mean what to feed her at mealtimes? I have a dairy allergy so even now when I feed my toddlers I have to remind myself to let them eat cheese, etc! One side-effect of having a dairy allergy in the family is that you learn to make most of your food from scratch, because packaged things often have butter, milk, etc.
Here are some go-to meals that are super easy to make that don't have dairy (for me) and are toddler-friendly (for them):
*french toast (I just use plain egg on Stroehman's 100% whole wheat bread, and the girls dip the strips in unsweetened applesauce -- they LOVE this)
*spaghetti with a bit of tofu mashed in it instead of cheese for protein and calcium
*plain bean burritos (my girls like to dip pieces of plain tortillas or quesadillas in refried beans)
*pita and hummus (some toddlers like hummus, mine don't)
*oatmeal with bananas and chopped raisins for breakfast (can be made with just water, or soy milk)
*couscous with chopped tofu (I get whole wheat couscous from Trader Joe's without the spice pack included. I use two cups of water for one cup of couscous, which is double the water according to the directions because I add about a cup and a half of chopped veggies. I add a little less than a teaspoon each of fresh basil, garlic, blackstrap molasses, a pinch of salt, and a tablespoon of olive oil for flavor. This is an awesome meal, because if you chop just about any veggies small enough -- carrots, broccoli, peas, zuchini, etc. -- and throw them in the pot while the water is getting hot, and also add chopped raisins -- very important!, my kids and my friends' kids seem to eat it no problem. If it turns out flavorless the first time, try adding a little bit more salt, olive oil, or even try adding a bit of apple juice. Add a bit of cheese or pine nuts on your own portion to make it even yummier. Use a food processor to make the veggies faster to prepare. Couscous itself only takes 5 minutes to cook after the water is boiling.
*prepared fish or chicken strips and baked potatoes or sweet potatoes and/or other roasted veggies -- acorn squash and beets are some of my girls' favorites. My one-year old likes the halibut strips you can find at Trader Joe's.
*plain canned black beans, boiled eggs, and sunflower seed butter are good sources of non-dairy protein for a 1 year old. Some of my friends swear by smoothies, which can be made with tofu or soy milk.
*when you are baking, almost any kind of bread, cookie, or muffin can be made with water or soymilk instead of milk, and oil or shortening instead of butter
*look for orange juice, apple juice or soy products enriched with vitamin D. Also, use plenty of dry cereals like Kix or Cheerios to get in lots of calcium and vitamin D. Most soy products have a lot of calcium. Green veggies are good sources of calcium too. So are almonds -- you could try almond butter in sandwiches.
I have a 13-month old son and we have been advised to keep him on his formula till he's 18 months. My son has a very basic diet, due to his food allergies. I know soy is constipating, but I find my LO does fine with it as long as he eats enough fruits and vegetables (might not be the case for you LO though). My son typically eats blueberries, raspberries, mangos, pears, Tofutti soy cheese, Silk soy yogurt, organic waffles, CherryBrook Kitchen pancakes, rice, carrots, and squash.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Organic vs. Non-Organic- Baby Food
I found this very helpful website to show which fruits and veggies you should be purchasing in the organic version.
http://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary/
Being a mom now of a 7mth old regularly eating solids, I find it important to feed him organic. I watched a new clip on a morning news session about baby food. They tested the most common brands, that weren't organic to see the level of pesticides in it. Many had at least five different types of pesticides. And from what I know that is bug poison. Uhhh...... I don't really want my little boy eating poison. So, even if it isn't "healthier," its something I feel convicted to do "right". Im gonna start making my own baby food in about a month when we get moved out of our in-laws and into our own home. Until then, I will continue to feed him Organic Plum, Gerber and Happy Baby? Cant, remember the name, food. He also has a milk allergy but since adding SOY into his diet, he hasn't so far, shown an allergy to it. So that will give us much more options of what to eat, until I feel ready to try him on COW's milk. Excited to store up some recipes to try. And hopefully wet my feet, for this next little guy to join our family!
http://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary/
Being a mom now of a 7mth old regularly eating solids, I find it important to feed him organic. I watched a new clip on a morning news session about baby food. They tested the most common brands, that weren't organic to see the level of pesticides in it. Many had at least five different types of pesticides. And from what I know that is bug poison. Uhhh...... I don't really want my little boy eating poison. So, even if it isn't "healthier," its something I feel convicted to do "right". Im gonna start making my own baby food in about a month when we get moved out of our in-laws and into our own home. Until then, I will continue to feed him Organic Plum, Gerber and Happy Baby? Cant, remember the name, food. He also has a milk allergy but since adding SOY into his diet, he hasn't so far, shown an allergy to it. So that will give us much more options of what to eat, until I feel ready to try him on COW's milk. Excited to store up some recipes to try. And hopefully wet my feet, for this next little guy to join our family!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Guess Jonny's screwed for life, since Im a failure at breastfeeding...
Im kind of on a mental rampage right now. After seeing so many different ways of parenting and scheduling (or not scheduling- whether its just your style or if its out of necessity cause you have other children to run to and from school or whatever the reason) due to a long stint as a babysitter and night nanny, I knew exactly what I wanted to do as a parent involving sleeping and feeding schedules and what I wanted to avoid- things like co-sleeping or any other things I didn't want to change, in the future. I was doing some reading in this book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The pediatrician who wrote this book was saying that there are several studies that have been done regarding links between maternal depression and a babies sleeping habits.
Let me start at the beginning. When I was researching on Amazon, before I had my son, this book called "12 hours sleep, by 12 weeks," I was floored at all the negative reviews. Being that I had read the book and wholeheartedly agreed with the majority of her method, I was shocked at what these mothers were suggesting that this woman was advocating. AND even more shocked at what the mothers were saying about other mothers who liked this book. There is some philosophy out there that developed during some modern psychology revolution regarding INFANT BONDING and INFANT ATTACHMENT THEORY. "Both focused almost exclusively on mothers and both claimed that future events would be strongly influenced by early experiences." Its the same theory that calls CIO harmful and tells mothers that letting their child cry alone when they they are clean, fed and changed but are fighting bedtime, will be harmful to their mental health and cause them to form an insecure attachment style, which will carry on into their future and affect all their relationships and how they relate to people.
"Infant bonding theories promoted the importance of early physical contact between baby and mother as a mechanism to a better adjustment later in life. The good news was that concept caused the delivery of babies to become more comfortable, even in a hotel-like environment. This was definitely an improvement...The bad news was that mothers who missed this experience because of complications around the delivery, and mothers who adopted older children, felt deprived and worried about their future relationship with their children. You see, infant bonding was thought to take place only during a critical period, very much like the imprinting of baby geese, who will follow any large, moving object they see at a specific time in their development. The fact is, is that there is no scientific evidence that a similar period exists for human babies and there is no evidence that lack of "bonding" at a specific time right at birth effects subsequent behavior in either infant or mother.
"Attachment theory not only considered the interaction between moth and the child but claimed that if attachment doesn't develop well, the infant grows into an adult who has difficulty in peer relationships, romantic relationships, or parenthood. The good news was that mothers were encouraged to be affectionate, tactile and warm without fear of spoiling the child. The bad news was that the attention to children 24 hours a day was thought to be good.
"The sad fact was that older theorists were unaware of the benefits of healthy sleep and how we are different in sleep and wake modes. Child psychologists, child psychiatrists, and pediatricians did not know the benefits of healthy sleep until recently.
"Extremely violent or catastrophic events aside, for ordinary families, the power of past events has been extremely exaggerated and THE SINGLULAR INFLUENCE ASCRIBED TO THE MOTHER IS UNJUSTIFIED. Strong proponents of the importance of early events have created in the minds of many mothers, a false conclusion- "I am a bad mother if.... because this may cause permanent emotional damage."
For me = that was breastfeeding. I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital I was scheduled to deliver at, before my son was born. I fluctuated between believing in the hardcore parenting ideas of no-mercy discipline, getting some of my ideas from "Bringing Up Bebe"- by Pamela Druckerman. It was so anti-American parenting, which I was so against. And between actually meeting my baby, hearing him cry (which didn't happen til 6 weeks old) and wanting nothing more than to run into his room the moment he made a squeak and gather him into my arms with a gentle "mommys here!!! Don't be sad. Ill never leave you!" Finding that balance between discipline and pure love and devotion and giving-in because hes "just a baby" was really hard. Already.
I had seen it time and time again. "__________, (insert child name)you better come over here right now. Its naptime and were going upstairs." child smiles. continues watching TV. "Im counting to 3 and if youre not over here im coming to get you and youre getting a spanking." Child looks, uninterested at the what the mother is commanding, knowing there is no conviction, nor punishment behind them. Mother marches over angrily and the child leaps off the couch, finally complying. To which the mother, responds with "let's go."
No 1, 2, 3. No, spanking. No obedience. Its a vicious cycle. And one I wanted no part of. I want respect. I want obedience. I do not want to argue with my 2 year old over who is boss.
She even talked about this thing called the "Pause" where French mothers would pause and observe their child when they cried or cooed or attempted to communicate in some form. She said that the majority of French babies slept 12 hours a night at 6 weeks old. For me, a girl who spent a year of her recent life NIGHT NURSING 4 others women's babies, that seemed like a dream. I knew what was coming. Constant night wakings. Constant bottle makings. Except the difference was is that I was going to LOVE this baby wholeheartedly and want to spend every waking.. .and sleeping moment with him. But also that I was planning to breastfeed him. Something I had NO clue about. I had read all the books, trust me. I had written down every list- of medication, food that would cause gas, food that could cause allergies, symptoms for each condition like mastitis. I was prepared but I still felt like I had no clue what I was doing. For my million and a half hours of experience, at my 4000$ a month job of caring for others newborns, I really had no clue what I was getting myself into.
But I went to this class. And the lady was very kind, gentle, and committed to the idea that breastfeeding is the number 1 thing you can do, sacrifice you can make, to show you love your child. Yes, you will nurse more than if you bottle-fed. Yes, you will be up more in the night. Yes, you will be uncomfortable while you learn how all this works (although it should cause you any PAIN if YOU are doing it right). But health-wise its the BEST thing. And well- bonding. Theres just no comparison. "Studies have shown that mothers who have skin-to-skin contact right after their babies leave the birth canal, form better attachment styles with their surroundings (parents) are healthier and exhibit almost no trouble with breastfeeding. The babies will actually crawl wround their mother's chest in search of their nipple and will usually latch perfectly."
It all sounded so sweet. So .... BONDING :) I had read everything about mother's who were unable to breastfeed, but my mom nursed all four of us and she hardly even knew there was such thing as "problems" with nursing. My mother-in-law- SAME. So I assumed hey- Ill give the natural birth thing a try, no epidural. And then I will nurse my baby. And it will all go so easily.
Then he was born. this precious little bundle of joy. He didn't make a peep when he was born. They had to make him cry, cause he was fine just lying there. And I put him skin-to-skin with me. We were wheeled into the post-partum room soon after and I let him lie on my chest. Well... he didn't search. He kinda just got buried and wasn't strong enough to lift his head away from me, so he ws being essentially smothered. Without going into much detail, over the course of the next 2 days in the hospital, I was visited by at least 5 different lactation consultants, some nurses. NO SUCH LUCK getting him to latch. Nothing about my body was such that he was having a hard time with it. No inverted nipples or anything like that. Colostrum was there. He was given plenty of space and time. But he wanted absolutely NO PART OF IT. They were pushing his head against me by the end of my stay. Prying his mouth open, practically. Forcing me to pump and pump and pump. I developed blisters within only hours and then they started putting nipple shields on me to help. That didn't help and whatever sucking he did do, for a second or two, extracted nothing. By the end of my stay they forced me to give him formula.
Oh the tears I cried. All these fantasies of bonding and attachment to me and health. And it was not working out. My baby was literally starving and I had to do the dreaded thing that everyone said DONT DO if you don't want to ruin all your chances of success. Give him formula. Even just a few drops. That will ruin it all. But I had to because he had begun to get hungry and his blood sugar was having to be repeatedly checked cause he had been alive for almost 48 hours and not had a drop of anything in his stomach.
I cried for days when I returned home. I tried pumping every few hours and the most I ever got was a half ounce. It was so painful, from the engorgement and the blisters that I would sit in the nursery alone, sobbing, cringing with every pinch of the machine but forcing myself to continue. I couldn't give up on him. What if it was like this lady said. It was the healthiest. It was the most unselfish. And it was the only way to ensure that we would bond. If I gave up, I was selfish and he was screwed for life. For days this went on and on. I even remember leaving Jonny with my mom while Jonathan and I went out to babies r us to buy bottles and bottle supplies because I knew it wasn't working out. I knew that I had to prepare for the worst, cause it was happening. He held me in the parking lot for probably 10 minutes while I sobbed as hard as I could. I was such a failure. And now my baby was screwed for life because of my failure and my inability to do what was best for him.
The first two weeks were so emotional. And I even received advice such as "YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!" which was extremely UNHELPFUL. Is that what I was doing? GIVING UP?? Nothing was coming out. My nipples were bleeding. I was crying almost very hour. My baby refused to touch me no matter how hard or gently I forced him or begged him. NO MATTER how much skin-to-skin contact we did, me and Jonathan. NOTHING.
Why do I write all of this? Because there are some things I know to be true. And those are- Your child deserves good sleep. You are a better mom when you are well-rested. Doing your best is the best you can do. If you love your baby and you do what is best for him, he will turn out well, given the outside circumstances of his life are not harmful. You are the parent and this child was given to you, by God, to raise and make decisions for, until they can make them, themselves. And by golly- if you are going to do something like co-sleep or nurse your baby to sleep for every nap and bedtime, DONT change the rules on them! Commit to doing things and forming habits you can live with for life. As Baby Wise says "begin, as you mean to go."
All of this garbage Im writing was spawned from reading a chapter in this book called healthy sleep habits, happy child. It is wonderful. It confirms so much that I already believe, from experience, from common sense, and from reading other books. Statements like "Sleep problems in children may cause maternal depression," "You are harming your child when you allow unhealthy sleep patterns to evolve and/or persist- sleep deprivation is as UNHEALTHY as feeding a nutritionally deficient diet," and something as radical as "When your child is crying and she is not hungry , say to yourself, "My baby is crying because she loves me so much and wants my company, but she NEEDS to sleep. I know the value of good sleep, and I love my baby SO MUCH that I am going to let her sleep."
Although I couldn't control my baby's willingness or desire to breastfeed, I can control and value things such as SCHEDULE, PREDICTABILITY, HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, SELF-SOOTHING and HEALTHY EATING HABITS.
Also- in reading all of the sleeping complaints of mothers in a facebook group I belong to: some babies- 10 months, others 6 months, and some even 2 years old, I was reminded of what some mothers said of the "12 hours.." book. they said "CIO is emotionally and physically damaging to your child. If you love your child, show them by coming to them when they cry. Babies do not have the power to manipulate as such a young age. SOME of us mothers are not selfish and actually enjoy seeing our baby when they wake and don't consider it a burden to be with them in the night"......
I almost have NO words to express the ridiculousness of this statement. Should we evaluate this logic?... on a scientific level? Ok! First of all- SLEEP, a biological need, is selfish? Ok, so wanting to eat when you are hungry, that is selfish too! ok! Every time my baby cries, whether because he is bored, overtired, doesn't feel like napping because he is overstimulated... do you really not believe that this HUMAN is smart enough to form simple associations like "Cry- mommy comes" when its been shown that babies as young as 6 months old can do MATH? Ok! And you think that mothers who perhaps have to supplement their husbands income by working during the day, have two other children.. they are selfish to NEED sleep and they are ACTUALLY BAD MOTHERS because they want to teach their child HEALTHY consistent sleep habits, so that they are well-rested which leads to scientifically proven things such as better focus, better retainability of information when learning, and even the ability to control negative emotions? That's selfish? To want your child to be healthy? Ok!
I am on this angry rampage because of the illogical and flat-out STUPID ideas of some mothers who would tell other mothers that NAPPING is not important and "do what YOU have to do to get by" and "If your baby doesn't like sleeping in their crib, then let them sleep in your bed." I think it is really sad to read and TO EXPERIENCE actually what this man is saying when he cites these studies of how maternal depression is actually linked to poor sleep habits in their children. When a woman has children and her children don't rest, she cannot rest. Her body is deprived of sleep and that is unhealthy. She is not selfish, her body is literally suffering. Some women's bodies are more able to withstand sleep deprivation. But it is not a sign of not loving your child or a sign of selfishness to physically need sleep. I have personally experienced the devastating effects of anorexia and bulimia in my life and seen what they do to someone's brain, when they are deprived of NUTRIENTS and health for proper brain function It causes depression and in the case I refer to, suicide. To suggest that sleep is any different, is a really sad thing. To put that burden on mothers and make them believe that if they are unable to breastfeed, and have that "crucial" skin to skin contact with their babies, they are somehow failing to provide necessary bonding. To put on mothers, that teaching their babies how to fall asleep on their own- a HEALTHY habit and one babies are VERY capable of learning at a young age- is harmful... that's really sad.
I went through sleep deprivation first hand when my son began waking for his pacifier every hour at 4 months old, all night, every night. When I complained to a group of women that I was really suffering, and I believe I was actually getting depressed and I was feeling so guilty for my lack of energy in engaging my son in playtime because I was SO tired from over a month of almost NO sleep and an inability to nap, it was met with "in several years, you wont remember naps" and it will be a thing of the past. What matters are not sleep habits, but loving God and loving others. It was a slap in the face to literally be depressed and physically suffering from sleep deprivation and to be told I was putting too much emphasis on the health of my child and myself..
Anyways-- this post was all over the place, but I hope it will help someone who is also struggling. Sleep is so crucial and poor sleep habits have devastating effects on young brains ability to focus and concentrate. You are the parent and you make the decisions to help them to learn to fall asleep and form good habits. Do not let others tell you, that sleep deprivation is not a problem. Do not let others tell you you just have a baby who apparently doesn't need sleep. Do not let anyone tell you are are selfish for needing sleep or trying to schedule your baby so that they have a predictable and easy life. It is your duty to make good decisions for this baby who DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM. GOD HAS GIVEN YOU THIS CHILD TO RAISE. And just as you would not give your 6 month old candy and soda because "they don't really like veggies" you should not allow your baby to skip sleep because someone guilts you into believing that your desire to have your child sleep well is something other than wanting peace, health and happiness for your whole family.
Ok, thanks for listening :)
Let me start at the beginning. When I was researching on Amazon, before I had my son, this book called "12 hours sleep, by 12 weeks," I was floored at all the negative reviews. Being that I had read the book and wholeheartedly agreed with the majority of her method, I was shocked at what these mothers were suggesting that this woman was advocating. AND even more shocked at what the mothers were saying about other mothers who liked this book. There is some philosophy out there that developed during some modern psychology revolution regarding INFANT BONDING and INFANT ATTACHMENT THEORY. "Both focused almost exclusively on mothers and both claimed that future events would be strongly influenced by early experiences." Its the same theory that calls CIO harmful and tells mothers that letting their child cry alone when they they are clean, fed and changed but are fighting bedtime, will be harmful to their mental health and cause them to form an insecure attachment style, which will carry on into their future and affect all their relationships and how they relate to people.
"Infant bonding theories promoted the importance of early physical contact between baby and mother as a mechanism to a better adjustment later in life. The good news was that concept caused the delivery of babies to become more comfortable, even in a hotel-like environment. This was definitely an improvement...The bad news was that mothers who missed this experience because of complications around the delivery, and mothers who adopted older children, felt deprived and worried about their future relationship with their children. You see, infant bonding was thought to take place only during a critical period, very much like the imprinting of baby geese, who will follow any large, moving object they see at a specific time in their development. The fact is, is that there is no scientific evidence that a similar period exists for human babies and there is no evidence that lack of "bonding" at a specific time right at birth effects subsequent behavior in either infant or mother.
"Attachment theory not only considered the interaction between moth and the child but claimed that if attachment doesn't develop well, the infant grows into an adult who has difficulty in peer relationships, romantic relationships, or parenthood. The good news was that mothers were encouraged to be affectionate, tactile and warm without fear of spoiling the child. The bad news was that the attention to children 24 hours a day was thought to be good.
"The sad fact was that older theorists were unaware of the benefits of healthy sleep and how we are different in sleep and wake modes. Child psychologists, child psychiatrists, and pediatricians did not know the benefits of healthy sleep until recently.
"Extremely violent or catastrophic events aside, for ordinary families, the power of past events has been extremely exaggerated and THE SINGLULAR INFLUENCE ASCRIBED TO THE MOTHER IS UNJUSTIFIED. Strong proponents of the importance of early events have created in the minds of many mothers, a false conclusion- "I am a bad mother if.... because this may cause permanent emotional damage."
For me = that was breastfeeding. I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital I was scheduled to deliver at, before my son was born. I fluctuated between believing in the hardcore parenting ideas of no-mercy discipline, getting some of my ideas from "Bringing Up Bebe"- by Pamela Druckerman. It was so anti-American parenting, which I was so against. And between actually meeting my baby, hearing him cry (which didn't happen til 6 weeks old) and wanting nothing more than to run into his room the moment he made a squeak and gather him into my arms with a gentle "mommys here!!! Don't be sad. Ill never leave you!" Finding that balance between discipline and pure love and devotion and giving-in because hes "just a baby" was really hard. Already.
I had seen it time and time again. "__________, (insert child name)you better come over here right now. Its naptime and were going upstairs." child smiles. continues watching TV. "Im counting to 3 and if youre not over here im coming to get you and youre getting a spanking." Child looks, uninterested at the what the mother is commanding, knowing there is no conviction, nor punishment behind them. Mother marches over angrily and the child leaps off the couch, finally complying. To which the mother, responds with "let's go."
No 1, 2, 3. No, spanking. No obedience. Its a vicious cycle. And one I wanted no part of. I want respect. I want obedience. I do not want to argue with my 2 year old over who is boss.
She even talked about this thing called the "Pause" where French mothers would pause and observe their child when they cried or cooed or attempted to communicate in some form. She said that the majority of French babies slept 12 hours a night at 6 weeks old. For me, a girl who spent a year of her recent life NIGHT NURSING 4 others women's babies, that seemed like a dream. I knew what was coming. Constant night wakings. Constant bottle makings. Except the difference was is that I was going to LOVE this baby wholeheartedly and want to spend every waking.. .and sleeping moment with him. But also that I was planning to breastfeed him. Something I had NO clue about. I had read all the books, trust me. I had written down every list- of medication, food that would cause gas, food that could cause allergies, symptoms for each condition like mastitis. I was prepared but I still felt like I had no clue what I was doing. For my million and a half hours of experience, at my 4000$ a month job of caring for others newborns, I really had no clue what I was getting myself into.
But I went to this class. And the lady was very kind, gentle, and committed to the idea that breastfeeding is the number 1 thing you can do, sacrifice you can make, to show you love your child. Yes, you will nurse more than if you bottle-fed. Yes, you will be up more in the night. Yes, you will be uncomfortable while you learn how all this works (although it should cause you any PAIN if YOU are doing it right). But health-wise its the BEST thing. And well- bonding. Theres just no comparison. "Studies have shown that mothers who have skin-to-skin contact right after their babies leave the birth canal, form better attachment styles with their surroundings (parents) are healthier and exhibit almost no trouble with breastfeeding. The babies will actually crawl wround their mother's chest in search of their nipple and will usually latch perfectly."
It all sounded so sweet. So .... BONDING :) I had read everything about mother's who were unable to breastfeed, but my mom nursed all four of us and she hardly even knew there was such thing as "problems" with nursing. My mother-in-law- SAME. So I assumed hey- Ill give the natural birth thing a try, no epidural. And then I will nurse my baby. And it will all go so easily.
Then he was born. this precious little bundle of joy. He didn't make a peep when he was born. They had to make him cry, cause he was fine just lying there. And I put him skin-to-skin with me. We were wheeled into the post-partum room soon after and I let him lie on my chest. Well... he didn't search. He kinda just got buried and wasn't strong enough to lift his head away from me, so he ws being essentially smothered. Without going into much detail, over the course of the next 2 days in the hospital, I was visited by at least 5 different lactation consultants, some nurses. NO SUCH LUCK getting him to latch. Nothing about my body was such that he was having a hard time with it. No inverted nipples or anything like that. Colostrum was there. He was given plenty of space and time. But he wanted absolutely NO PART OF IT. They were pushing his head against me by the end of my stay. Prying his mouth open, practically. Forcing me to pump and pump and pump. I developed blisters within only hours and then they started putting nipple shields on me to help. That didn't help and whatever sucking he did do, for a second or two, extracted nothing. By the end of my stay they forced me to give him formula.
Oh the tears I cried. All these fantasies of bonding and attachment to me and health. And it was not working out. My baby was literally starving and I had to do the dreaded thing that everyone said DONT DO if you don't want to ruin all your chances of success. Give him formula. Even just a few drops. That will ruin it all. But I had to because he had begun to get hungry and his blood sugar was having to be repeatedly checked cause he had been alive for almost 48 hours and not had a drop of anything in his stomach.
I cried for days when I returned home. I tried pumping every few hours and the most I ever got was a half ounce. It was so painful, from the engorgement and the blisters that I would sit in the nursery alone, sobbing, cringing with every pinch of the machine but forcing myself to continue. I couldn't give up on him. What if it was like this lady said. It was the healthiest. It was the most unselfish. And it was the only way to ensure that we would bond. If I gave up, I was selfish and he was screwed for life. For days this went on and on. I even remember leaving Jonny with my mom while Jonathan and I went out to babies r us to buy bottles and bottle supplies because I knew it wasn't working out. I knew that I had to prepare for the worst, cause it was happening. He held me in the parking lot for probably 10 minutes while I sobbed as hard as I could. I was such a failure. And now my baby was screwed for life because of my failure and my inability to do what was best for him.
The first two weeks were so emotional. And I even received advice such as "YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!" which was extremely UNHELPFUL. Is that what I was doing? GIVING UP?? Nothing was coming out. My nipples were bleeding. I was crying almost very hour. My baby refused to touch me no matter how hard or gently I forced him or begged him. NO MATTER how much skin-to-skin contact we did, me and Jonathan. NOTHING.
Why do I write all of this? Because there are some things I know to be true. And those are- Your child deserves good sleep. You are a better mom when you are well-rested. Doing your best is the best you can do. If you love your baby and you do what is best for him, he will turn out well, given the outside circumstances of his life are not harmful. You are the parent and this child was given to you, by God, to raise and make decisions for, until they can make them, themselves. And by golly- if you are going to do something like co-sleep or nurse your baby to sleep for every nap and bedtime, DONT change the rules on them! Commit to doing things and forming habits you can live with for life. As Baby Wise says "begin, as you mean to go."
All of this garbage Im writing was spawned from reading a chapter in this book called healthy sleep habits, happy child. It is wonderful. It confirms so much that I already believe, from experience, from common sense, and from reading other books. Statements like "Sleep problems in children may cause maternal depression," "You are harming your child when you allow unhealthy sleep patterns to evolve and/or persist- sleep deprivation is as UNHEALTHY as feeding a nutritionally deficient diet," and something as radical as "When your child is crying and she is not hungry , say to yourself, "My baby is crying because she loves me so much and wants my company, but she NEEDS to sleep. I know the value of good sleep, and I love my baby SO MUCH that I am going to let her sleep."
Although I couldn't control my baby's willingness or desire to breastfeed, I can control and value things such as SCHEDULE, PREDICTABILITY, HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, SELF-SOOTHING and HEALTHY EATING HABITS.
Also- in reading all of the sleeping complaints of mothers in a facebook group I belong to: some babies- 10 months, others 6 months, and some even 2 years old, I was reminded of what some mothers said of the "12 hours.." book. they said "CIO is emotionally and physically damaging to your child. If you love your child, show them by coming to them when they cry. Babies do not have the power to manipulate as such a young age. SOME of us mothers are not selfish and actually enjoy seeing our baby when they wake and don't consider it a burden to be with them in the night"......
I almost have NO words to express the ridiculousness of this statement. Should we evaluate this logic?... on a scientific level? Ok! First of all- SLEEP, a biological need, is selfish? Ok, so wanting to eat when you are hungry, that is selfish too! ok! Every time my baby cries, whether because he is bored, overtired, doesn't feel like napping because he is overstimulated... do you really not believe that this HUMAN is smart enough to form simple associations like "Cry- mommy comes" when its been shown that babies as young as 6 months old can do MATH? Ok! And you think that mothers who perhaps have to supplement their husbands income by working during the day, have two other children.. they are selfish to NEED sleep and they are ACTUALLY BAD MOTHERS because they want to teach their child HEALTHY consistent sleep habits, so that they are well-rested which leads to scientifically proven things such as better focus, better retainability of information when learning, and even the ability to control negative emotions? That's selfish? To want your child to be healthy? Ok!
I am on this angry rampage because of the illogical and flat-out STUPID ideas of some mothers who would tell other mothers that NAPPING is not important and "do what YOU have to do to get by" and "If your baby doesn't like sleeping in their crib, then let them sleep in your bed." I think it is really sad to read and TO EXPERIENCE actually what this man is saying when he cites these studies of how maternal depression is actually linked to poor sleep habits in their children. When a woman has children and her children don't rest, she cannot rest. Her body is deprived of sleep and that is unhealthy. She is not selfish, her body is literally suffering. Some women's bodies are more able to withstand sleep deprivation. But it is not a sign of not loving your child or a sign of selfishness to physically need sleep. I have personally experienced the devastating effects of anorexia and bulimia in my life and seen what they do to someone's brain, when they are deprived of NUTRIENTS and health for proper brain function It causes depression and in the case I refer to, suicide. To suggest that sleep is any different, is a really sad thing. To put that burden on mothers and make them believe that if they are unable to breastfeed, and have that "crucial" skin to skin contact with their babies, they are somehow failing to provide necessary bonding. To put on mothers, that teaching their babies how to fall asleep on their own- a HEALTHY habit and one babies are VERY capable of learning at a young age- is harmful... that's really sad.
I went through sleep deprivation first hand when my son began waking for his pacifier every hour at 4 months old, all night, every night. When I complained to a group of women that I was really suffering, and I believe I was actually getting depressed and I was feeling so guilty for my lack of energy in engaging my son in playtime because I was SO tired from over a month of almost NO sleep and an inability to nap, it was met with "in several years, you wont remember naps" and it will be a thing of the past. What matters are not sleep habits, but loving God and loving others. It was a slap in the face to literally be depressed and physically suffering from sleep deprivation and to be told I was putting too much emphasis on the health of my child and myself..
Anyways-- this post was all over the place, but I hope it will help someone who is also struggling. Sleep is so crucial and poor sleep habits have devastating effects on young brains ability to focus and concentrate. You are the parent and you make the decisions to help them to learn to fall asleep and form good habits. Do not let others tell you, that sleep deprivation is not a problem. Do not let others tell you you just have a baby who apparently doesn't need sleep. Do not let anyone tell you are are selfish for needing sleep or trying to schedule your baby so that they have a predictable and easy life. It is your duty to make good decisions for this baby who DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM. GOD HAS GIVEN YOU THIS CHILD TO RAISE. And just as you would not give your 6 month old candy and soda because "they don't really like veggies" you should not allow your baby to skip sleep because someone guilts you into believing that your desire to have your child sleep well is something other than wanting peace, health and happiness for your whole family.
Ok, thanks for listening :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)