Army Life- Week 2

This week has been CRAZY! Sunday was Veterans Day, and so as a government employee, Jonathan had the day off, Monday. It was great to have him home for an extra day so we could catch up, spend some time together, get out of the house and UNPACK! I really needed a hand moving some really heavy boxes so I could get to the other ones. This last week I spent a lot of time unpacking things and sorta developed a system. It probably wont carry on to any other moves unless they are equally as short, but I basically only unpacked everything that I needed and left the other stuff (decorations, stuff for the second baby etc) for the next move or for later. Since we will only be here for five months, I didn't want to waste time that could be spent, making this place functional, by unloading all these things for my husband to hang on the walls with his limited time. And its a relief to not feel like I need to find places for everything.

It was quite the experience learning how to juggle all these new things. I am newly a stay at home mom WITH NOT HUSBAND AROUND. When Jonny was born, Jonathan was still in graduate school, so aside from when he was in class, he was home to help with anything. I would even have him do things like grocery shop, dishes, or get up with Jonny occasionally, if I had a rough night. Now that is obviously not an option, though he does the grocery shopping- since we only have one car right now. Its a strange feeling to be completely alone with Jonny, with no one to send to get a diaper or to help me change a blow-out or to watch Jonny while I go to the bathroom. I'm also at home now with NO CAR. That's new for me, since I ve been getting around on my own wheels since 19! Its weird and somewhat difficult to think= I need milk- and then have to text Jonathan and hope he can stop by the commissary to get some for us. Its also new to hardly see Jonathan EVER. We have spent probably the majority of our marriage TOGETHER. Aside from a few months in the beginning when I was working full-time, we have spent most of our days together, only apart for a few hours. This last week has been crazy cause he leaves the house for PT at around 5am or so, and he doesn't get home until 7:30pm some nights. That leaves us only about 2 hours to physically see each other. However, he has spent the majority of these two hours each night doing things to prepare for the next day. Getting his uniform ready, doing a paper for work, pinning on things for an inspection, cleaning his gear. You name it, hes had to do it. Then there is shaving and showering for the next morning, 5 minutes of FOX news and a facebook and Army email check and its off to bed! Weve hardly even eaten dinner. Add in Jonnys bath and bedtime, which Jonathan is lucky to be home for, and theres just hardly a moment to do much of anything- even talk. Its hard but I have done a really good job being understanding. The only thing that could make this worse would be if I was irrational and didn't understand that theres no way he would rather be doing this stuff and being at work for 14 hours- than spending time with us. I would never wanna be doing what he does. Id prefer being a mom :) I can only be understanding and do what I can to make his life easier. Just hope that each week will get easier.

The unpacking has been hard cause these movers did an even worse job than I expected. Not only did a box say "balls" (a huge one)- that we discovered was "BOWLS"... wow... but they broke Jonnys exersaucer (lost the springs), damages our bed frame, damaged most of the wood things actually, and then yesterday I discovered that beneath all of Jonnys clothes for the future, in a box, were DISHES, MY JEWELRY and severeal other things. I think the guy just literally reached around and grabbed anything that would fit and stuffed it into a box. Pieces of my jewelry were down in the box, mixed in with clothes. So frustrating. Apparently this is "ARMY MOVING 101"... needing to watch them like a hawk and correct them when they start getting crazy and just stuffing things in boxes. That was one of the major frustrations for the week.

Another thing that I dealt with this week was learning how to entertain an 8 month old for HOURS and HOURS. We put up the Johnny Jump-Up which he decided after many tries over 4 months, that he likes it! Also we sing the ABC's and count probably 100 times a day- German and English. Its probably one of his favorite things. There is hardly any tile in this house so the walker is almost unusable :( He enjoys sitting in the bathroom sink and turning the faucet on and off. We read books- which usually ends in 10 seconds when he takes the book from me and shuts it and puts it down. Its quite funny. Ive learned to keep a little distance and that keeps him from being able to take it from me :) We practice crawling, A LOT! Hes been taking great naps lately.. usually two 1.5 hour naps and a third half hour-1 hour nap before bed. I give him some independent play time in the pack and play which doesn't usually go over so well... he just watches me move around and whines. He does enjoy sitting on the washer and we watch the clothes go around and around (Its clear on top). Also we use one of the long mirrors that usually goes on the wall and keep it under the couch and pull it out so he can watch himself sit and crawl and walk. He likes that a lot. We have a lot of tickle time and just being goofy. He will watch me while I put away clothes or vaccumm (did that today for the first time and thought it was VERY PECULIAR but it didn't scare him at all.) We have started introducing some finger foods, beyond puffs and melts and mum-mums, such a deli turkey and green beans from a can (mushy). That passes the time cause he enjoys holding the food and manipulating it in his hands. Its hard for me to watch him get all yucky but I resist and let him explore... most of the time :)

Today I tried making some baby food for the first time. Since we were living at my in-laws for two months I didn't have the equipment, space or freedom to make his baby food. Today I baked some asparagus- one of my husband and i's favorite foods- and blended it up with one container of spinach and pear baby food, to thin it out a bit. It was pretty chunky but I offered it to him and he liked it. Yay! I cant complain though, if there is something he doesn't like in the future, because so far there isn't anything I have found that he doesn't like! Hes such a good eater. I plan to make some meatloaf- turkey, onions, mushrooms, carrots and green peppers (plain yogurt and soy sauce which I wont put in it until I take some out for him), some fajitas- chicken, mushrooms, peppers, onions (sauce, cheese, plain yogurt as sour cream and tortillas- omit) and some taco soup- ground turkey, black beans, corn, pinto beans, kidney beans and tomatoes (ranch packet and taco seasoning packet- omit) and I will blend a portion of each as I make them, for him. I want to introduce him to the flavors we like- within reason, and learn to make some recipes of ours without milk or with substitutes, so that its not just ALL, ONE DAY- that I have to do that, in case his milk allergy does stay. Im really limited because he has a soy allergy too. Most substitutes are soy. I can try coconut milk, almond milk and some other things.

A funny, well, not so funny story from this week and one im sure every mom is familiar with in some way-  A BLOW OUT. Jonny wouldn't go down for his third nap yesterday which is very unusual. After 30 minutes I finally took him out of his bed. I decided to change his diaper cause it looked pretty wet. When I undid his onesie and went to pull it up in the back, I basically grabbed a handful of poop. No wonder he wouldn't sleep. He was lying in poop. I didn't smell it so I didn't think of it. Ugh. It was disgusting. It was in his armpits so he had to bathe and I had to wash both my sweater and my hand and arm. Oh, the life of a mom! never lacks excitement... sometimes in the worst of ways!

This week Jonny is trying to learn to crawl. Well, hes been trying for a while. But this week he made some progress, in that he made the connection he must move his arm forward. So he lifts JSUT his right hand and plants it a few inches in front of him. He doesn't do the other hand yet, so there is no "crawling". He does get where he wants but it has no rhyme or reason. He can also go from sitting o crawling position which is cool to watch!

JUST before his 8 month birthday, which is today, the 15th of November, Jonny did a few new things. Things have gotten so fun. I feel like I always say that but each stage seems to be more exciting than the last! Jonny is into imitating now, which im sure is normal, given that he is "supposed" to be learning things like "mama and dada" and eating finger foods etc. He got a cute little spoon from his grandma that has a pig on it. I just recently gave it to him to play with and attached to it "AND THE PIGGY SAYS....? SNORT SNORT." And he loved that. Ive learned, with him, that when I attach "funny things" to something, then every time he sees that certain toy, its a new fascination, when he starts to get bored. For instance, when im changing his diaper, I sniffed the back of his thigh and say "OOOH so stinky!!!" and he bursts out laughing! Diaper changing has always been fun for him, weirdo, but this makes it full of laughs and entertains him since he likes to squirm away from me now. Also, when hes on his back I clap his feet together and say "theres no place like home"... once when I was at my in-laws we were discussing The Wizard of Oz and I jokingly did that. He LOVED it. So now I do it if he gets cranky and he will start smiling. Its fun to watch them learn to recognize things you say and do. I think they are so much smarter than you give them credit for. So anyways- After about a week of doing the "piggy says" thing he suddenly started SNORTING after I said it! It was so cute! Also, he has become SO much more vocal. Whenever he sees my phone he starts freaking out because he has heard his daddy talk to me a few times on speaker so I think he thinks my phone "IS daddy"! He will turn the pages of this one cardboard Elmo Potty book and talk the whole time as if he is reading. When someone is on the phone he tries to chime in and talk over me. He also got a seventh tooth. The left bottom incisor (second one from the middle). Like many of his teeth already I had a hunch, since I hadn't checked in a while that he might have new teeth. He is such a tough kid he has gotten several teeth without me knowing. He indeed had a new one! He has also begun to recognize pictures of his dad. When you show him a picture he will zero in right on Jonathan and touch him...ignoring the others in the photo. When he hears his voice on the phone or he sees a video of him he goes crazy! Its so precious. The downside is that Jonathan has been working til almost 7:30 most nights and thus Jonny is in bed, since his typical bedtime ranges from 6-7. So Jonathan hasn't seen Jonny since the weekend. Its a bummer because Jonny has started to have trouble going to sleep. He has also started getting very upset in the evenings which is unlike him. Yesterday he sobbed. I think he was missing his dad and expecting to see him. Luckily daddy tested a video of him saying he loves Jonny and goodnight and after watching that about 30 times (not kidding)- he fell right asleep. Jonny also started saying "dada" yesterday. I caught it on video. ITS SO Cute! He says "tatatata" sorta sound or "chachachacha". He shows all 7 teeth and you can see his tongue touching the roof of his mouth like I show him. We have only taught him dada so far, cause I want that to be his first word. I don't know why but I just do. I want him to be a daddy's boy! That melts my heart to think of! I was sad Jonathan missed it but happy he did it! Now if he would say it when he saw Jonathan...!! :) I cant believe my little angel is 8 months old. Time has gone so quickly but it has gone slow at the same time. I try to enjoy every moment but what mom doesn't enjoy seeing them grow and meet milestones!? IT keeps things interesting and fun and exciting. And its certainly exciting to see that your baby is growing and your "teaching" is paying off. To see that they are smart. Its a great feeling!

One sad thing I discovered this week was that Jonny is most likely allergic to pomegranates. I gave him some water with a splash of the only juice we had- pomegranate juice, and the next morning he woke with a red rash all over his face. I thought it was strawberries but I realized that it was the juice, after I gave him more yesterday, when the rash had mostly cleared up and it came back. Now its all yellow and crusty over where the red is :(. Luckily its easy to avoid that, because obviously pomegranates are not an everyday ingredient. Soy, Cows milk, too much Apple (sauce, juice etc) and now pomegranates are what he is "allergic" to. The Soy, Apples and Pom juice all cause face rashes and butt rashes (some bloody), the Soy, Apples and Cows milk all caused eczema. And the Cow's milk cause cankers. I didn't keep him on the other stuff long enough to know if it did.

This was him yesterday afternoon on the way to the mall..



And this was him that morning when he woke (mid-blink)


On additional thing i have been learning is balance and organization. I had a lot of help with everything before when Jonathan was around or I didnt have to do anything when we lived with my in-laws. But now there is cooking, Im trying to tackle baby food making, slowly, while introducing him to foods we eat so the transition can be slow, FOR MY SAKE! Im also trying to unpack and keep things orderly and clean. Its a tough thing. All while being 25 weeks pregnant and trying to teach Jonny things and entertain him.

Army Life- Week 1

Wow! What a whirlwind! This whole week has just been crazy! And God has been teaching me many things all week- namely, FLEXIBILITY! I know all this sounds crazy, but as a new mom one of the major challenges has been schedules and noise-levels. When you stay in a hotel or are on an airplane or you are driving to an from airports- there is just NO way to make your baby sleep when he needs it. Jonny was officially up for the longest time in his life- from noon to 7pm. He wouldn't sleep on his flight and didn't fall asleep in the car from OK City to Lawton. He did good though. And im happy to report that this is probably his 7th flight- and has still not shed a tear! I can officially say he is just SUCH a good boy!

At the  beginning of this week, Sunday, after the packers and movers had come and gone, Jonathan, my husband, left in his car with a FULL car, floor to ceiling, to go to Fort Sill, in Lawton, OK. He left Jonny and I behind, to follow on an airplane. We were staying with his parents at Carlisle Barracks, at the Army War College where my father-in-law is stationed  during the transition from the Army Reserves to Active Duty. Then we found out that Hurricane Sandy was on its way RIGHT to PA. We got ready and prepared for the worst (my mother-in-law and I) and prepared for no power or water and some terrible weather, and had NOTHING of the sort. We postponed my flight from WEdnesday to Thursday and now know we didn't even need to cause it hardly was a storm, in our area. Being from Florida and seeing some SERIOUS hurricanes- this was nothing- IN OUR AREA. LET ME CLARIFY- IN OUR AREA! lol.

So, on Thursday I finished up the packing and all our stuff barely fit into 4 suticases. I had three carry-ons, 4 suitcases, a pack-n-play and a stroller. And a 20 pound 7.5 month old. When I got to the Delta desk, they proceeded to tell me that in fact, our bags are NOT free, with active duty military orders, which I brought, and their site says, it actually must be the ACTIVE MILITARY PERSON- or he must be with us. It would have cost 245 dollars, but I kept my cool, asked to speak with someone else. A guy came down and said he had 3 kids in the Army so he was sensitive to my situation. He said he couldn't do it for free, but he could rearrange things. He would count "baby stuff" as free (2 of the things), give us two free bags, and then charge us for two- each one bag, so it only ended up being 50 dollars. Jonathan was SO angry and is still planning on calling Delta and flipping out on them! :)

My mother-in-law was able to get a guest ticket to help me through security with my baby, stroller, carseat, and 3 carryons which f course have to be virtually emptied because of the formula, water, ibuprofen, Benadryl, juice, etc. Baby out of the carrier, Carrier on the belt, stroller through the special gate to be checked, shoes off... and then someone has to put all the bottles in some machine to check that they aren't some kind of bomb-liquid or something. Its a big process but luckily Ive been through it so many times, just in the last 8 months that it doesn't even stress me out anymore.

We said goodbye to my MIL and she cried. She was very sad to see Jonny go, and I always internalize those feelings and feel really bad when I leave family. I cant imagine not seeing Jonnys chubby little white face and blue eyes and smile EVERYDAY. I have yet to ever be away from him and it sure would take a LOT for me to do so. I don't even think a trip to Greece could make me separate from that boy!! On the airplane, I quickly discovered that Jonny has changed his mind about strangers. He officially LOVES all strangers. He was jumping around, squealing and dancing for every single person who would smile at him. Everyone guessed that he was 1 and were surprised when I saw he was only 7 months old. They said he had a "mature" face... Im guessing that means he looks like an old man? :) And he definitely LOVES him some women!

He took a short nap on the first flight, no problem, in his carseat. But no such luck for the rest of the day. He were hoping that they would follow-through with having some assistance or at least an escort to help me get where I was going on my short layover in ATL but no such luck. After 20 minutes of waiting and NO one showing up, I finally left to find my gate myself. I trudged through the airport and located elevators and trains and got there just in time. We boarded early both flights which was nice. Jonny enjoyed the second flight too cause one of the flight attendants adored him. She actually busted out laughing and had to compose herself during one of her announcements cause he peeked over my shoulder and saw her and SQUEALED with delight. It was quite cute!

When we got in, Daddy was there to greet us, we got all our bags and got in the car to make the 80 mile drive from OK City to Lawton. We stopped at Sonic and I chuckled because people here must seriously LOVE Sonic. We went for 4 exits with a Sonic at each one! No kidding!

We got to the hotel and put Jonny down. He slept through the night but it was tough cause Daddy had to get up at 4:45am for a 6 mile run for his first day of Pt and of course that meant me and Jonny also had to wake up with daddys alarm :( Jonny did WONDERFULLY in the hotel the first day. He took 4 long naps and made up for his lost sleep. That night when daddy got home he took us to Outback to celebrate for dinner, that he got the house we wanted and we went to see the house and take some pictures. Its about 1500 sq ft, has a huge yard, a giant master closet, is barely over our budget, has a room for a playroom, a very large living room, nice counter space in the kitchen. I cant say enough! And a nice BIG bathroom! I just love it! I cant wait to move-in.

We got a move-in date set for Monday, when the movers with drop all our stuff off so tomorrow we will go back over there and check it out and figure out where to have them put our big furniture. Today we went to the Lawton mall after Jonnys first nap (he slept in til 740am!) and it was nice! We went to SEARS and picked out a washer and dryer. They don't match, but they were both clearance items, and both just returns. We bought a protection plan on them so we should be good. Neither of us know much about what to buy as far as those go, but hopefully we made a good choice! Guess we will find out! The washer was originally 999 on sale for 779. Its really nice and I believe its LG brand. Both are spacious! Then we had lunch at Chickfila and peeked in Old Navy to get Jonny a couple bigger and LONG-SLEEVED onesies. Yesterday it was really warm out and today I brought Jonny outside in a onesie and I think it was 60 degrees! Yikes! COLD! After his current nap we will be heading to ATT to upgrade our phones and get back on our own phone plans and headed to the PX and Commisary to get my LONG-AWAITED Keurig coffee maker and my delicious Holiday blend coffee- the Eggnog is THE BEST! If I cant have eggnog as a prego, I sure as heck am gonna enjoy the egg-nog flavored coffee! and we have to get Jonny some baby food. Our power will be turned on Monday, goods delivered, and we will get our W&D on Tuesday! Installed and delivered!

So far, I have expected the worse in every situation. I TOTALLY expected to be powerless in the hurricane. I expected Jonny to finally have a meltdown on a plane ride. I expected to miss my flight. I expected to have a horrible hotel experience where everyone is screaming and running by and slamming doors and waking him up. I expected us not to find a house for 2 weeks and have to go to a Laundr-o-mat. ETC. But everything has been so wonderful and I find myself REALYL embracing the whole calm, cool, collected, flexible Army wife thing. Im enjoying the role and really trying to get everything I can out of it. I have a spouses class where I will get to meet and greet the General of the Schools wife- who has already been told about me through a friend of my in-laws! Yay, connections :) Its during Jonnys bedtime, but it should be fine :) Trying to go with the flow! Ill have an update after we get moved in!

Milk Allergy

Jonny has a soy and cows milk allergy-

I was just thinking recently, as he is almost 8 months old, what I will be feeding him when he turns one. I cant wait to get him off this 30 dollars a can formula! Its killer! Lets hope the next baby doesn't also have a milk allergy! I believe its a protein allergy- which means it is most likely casein? Its funny because my husband takes huge scoops of casein daily! with milk! Wondering how im gonna cook for this boy, should his allergy continue- and with the potential of not being near a whole foods store which will limit options.. It should be interesting :(

Posts from other moms to remember:

My son is 17 months and has a milk allergy. Check out Whole Foods or another health food/organic store. You'll be amazed what they can eat. My son drinks hemp milk as his milk replacement; it has almost as much fat as whole milk, which is important for toddlers. He loves it. He also eats vegan cheese, and has recently tried two kinds of vegan yogurt (one made from soy milk, one made from coconut milk). All of these items are typically fortified with calcium and vitamins, like milk. When I'm cooking for the family, I usually replace butter with oil and milk with rice milk with positive results. You also have to read labels carefully. For example, some bread has milk in it, some doesn't. If you google milk allergy, you can find lists of ingredients to avoid. It's a little bit expensive, but there are definitely plenty of things your little one can eat!


Do you mean what to feed her at mealtimes? I have a dairy allergy so even now when I feed my toddlers I have to remind myself to let them eat cheese, etc! One side-effect of having a dairy allergy in the family is that you learn to make most of your food from scratch, because packaged things often have butter, milk, etc.
Here are some go-to meals that are super easy to make that don't have dairy (for me) and are toddler-friendly (for them):
*french toast (I just use plain egg on Stroehman's 100% whole wheat bread, and the girls dip the strips in unsweetened applesauce -- they LOVE this)
*spaghetti with a bit of tofu mashed in it instead of cheese for protein and calcium
*plain bean burritos (my girls like to dip pieces of plain tortillas or quesadillas in refried beans)
*pita and hummus (some toddlers like hummus, mine don't)
*oatmeal with bananas and chopped raisins for breakfast (can be made with just water, or soy milk)
*couscous with chopped tofu (I get whole wheat couscous from Trader Joe's without the spice pack included. I use two cups of water for one cup of couscous, which is double the water according to the directions because I add about a cup and a half of chopped veggies. I add a little less than a teaspoon each of fresh basil, garlic, blackstrap molasses, a pinch of salt, and a tablespoon of olive oil for flavor. This is an awesome meal, because if you chop just about any veggies small enough -- carrots, broccoli, peas, zuchini, etc. -- and throw them in the pot while the water is getting hot, and also add chopped raisins -- very important!, my kids and my friends' kids seem to eat it no problem. If it turns out flavorless the first time, try adding a little bit more salt, olive oil, or even try adding a bit of apple juice. Add a bit of cheese or pine nuts on your own portion to make it even yummier. Use a food processor to make the veggies faster to prepare. Couscous itself only takes 5 minutes to cook after the water is boiling.
*prepared fish or chicken strips and baked potatoes or sweet potatoes and/or other roasted veggies -- acorn squash and beets are some of my girls' favorites. My one-year old likes the halibut strips you can find at Trader Joe's.
*plain canned black beans, boiled eggs, and sunflower seed butter are good sources of non-dairy protein for a 1 year old. Some of my friends swear by smoothies, which can be made with tofu or soy milk.
*when you are baking, almost any kind of bread, cookie, or muffin can be made with water or soymilk instead of milk, and oil or shortening instead of butter
*look for orange juice, apple juice or soy products enriched with vitamin D. Also, use plenty of dry cereals like Kix or Cheerios to get in lots of calcium and vitamin D. Most soy products have a lot of calcium. Green veggies are good sources of calcium too. So are almonds -- you could try almond butter in sandwiches.


I have a 13-month old son and we have been advised to keep him on his formula till he's 18 months.  My son has a very basic diet, due to his food allergies.  I know soy is constipating, but I find my LO does fine with it as long as he eats enough fruits and vegetables (might not be the case for you LO though).  My son typically eats blueberries, raspberries, mangos, pears, Tofutti soy cheese, Silk soy yogurt, organic waffles, CherryBrook Kitchen pancakes, rice, carrots, and squash.

Organic vs. Non-Organic- Baby Food

I found this very helpful website to show which fruits and veggies you should be purchasing in the organic version.

http://www.ewg.org/foodnews/summary/

Being a mom now of a 7mth old regularly eating solids, I find it important to feed him organic. I watched a new clip on a morning news session about baby food. They tested the most common brands, that weren't organic to see the level of pesticides in it. Many had at least five different types of pesticides. And from what I know that is bug poison. Uhhh...... I don't really want my little boy eating poison. So, even if it isn't "healthier," its something I feel convicted to do "right". Im gonna start making my own baby food in about a month when we get moved out of our in-laws and into our own home. Until then, I will continue to feed him Organic Plum, Gerber and Happy Baby? Cant, remember the name, food. He also has a milk allergy but since adding SOY into his diet, he hasn't so far, shown an allergy to it. So that will give us much more options of what to eat, until I feel ready to try him on COW's milk. Excited to store up some recipes to try. And hopefully wet my feet, for this next little guy to join our family!

Guess Jonny's screwed for life, since Im a failure at breastfeeding...

Im kind of on a mental rampage right now. After seeing so many different ways of parenting and scheduling (or not scheduling- whether its just your style or if its out of necessity cause you have other children to run to and from school or whatever the reason) due to a long stint as a babysitter and night nanny, I knew exactly what I wanted to do as a parent involving sleeping and feeding schedules and what I wanted to avoid- things like co-sleeping or any other things I didn't want to change, in the future. I was doing some reading in this book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. The pediatrician who wrote this book was saying that there are several studies that have been done regarding links between maternal depression and a babies sleeping habits.

Let me start at the beginning. When I was researching on Amazon, before I had my son, this book called "12 hours sleep, by 12 weeks," I was floored at all the negative reviews. Being that I had read the book and wholeheartedly agreed with the majority of her method, I was shocked at what these mothers were suggesting that this woman was advocating. AND even more shocked at what the mothers were saying about other mothers who liked this book. There is some philosophy out there that developed during some modern psychology revolution regarding INFANT BONDING and INFANT ATTACHMENT THEORY. "Both focused almost exclusively on mothers and both claimed that future events would be strongly influenced by early experiences." Its the same theory that calls CIO harmful and tells mothers that letting their child cry alone when they they are clean, fed and changed but are fighting bedtime, will be harmful to their mental health and cause them to form an insecure attachment style, which will carry on into their future and affect all their relationships and how they relate to people.

"Infant bonding theories promoted the importance of early physical contact between baby and mother as a mechanism to a better adjustment later in life. The good news was that concept caused the delivery of babies to become more comfortable, even in a hotel-like environment. This was definitely an improvement...The bad news was that mothers who missed this experience because of complications around the delivery, and mothers who adopted older children, felt deprived and worried about their future relationship with their children. You see, infant bonding was thought to take place only during a critical period, very much like the imprinting of baby geese, who will follow any large, moving object they see at a specific time in their development. The fact is, is that there is no scientific evidence that a similar period exists for human babies and there is no evidence that lack of "bonding" at a specific time right at birth effects subsequent behavior in either infant or mother.

"Attachment theory not only considered the interaction between moth and the child but claimed that if attachment doesn't develop well, the infant grows into an adult who has difficulty in peer relationships, romantic relationships, or parenthood. The good news was that mothers were encouraged to be affectionate, tactile and warm without fear of spoiling the child. The bad news was that the attention to children 24 hours a day was thought to be good.

"The sad fact was that older theorists were unaware of the benefits of healthy sleep and how we are different in sleep and wake modes. Child psychologists, child psychiatrists, and pediatricians did not know the benefits of healthy sleep until recently.

"Extremely violent or catastrophic events aside, for ordinary families, the power of past events has been extremely exaggerated and THE SINGLULAR INFLUENCE ASCRIBED TO THE MOTHER IS UNJUSTIFIED. Strong proponents of the importance of early events  have created in the minds of many mothers, a false conclusion- "I am a bad mother if.... because this may cause permanent emotional damage."

For me = that was breastfeeding. I attended a breastfeeding class at the hospital I was scheduled to deliver at, before my son was born. I fluctuated between believing in the hardcore parenting ideas of no-mercy discipline, getting some of my ideas from "Bringing Up Bebe"- by Pamela Druckerman. It was so anti-American parenting, which I was so against. And between actually meeting my baby, hearing him cry (which didn't happen til 6 weeks old) and wanting nothing more than to run into his room the moment he made a squeak and gather him into my arms with a gentle "mommys here!!! Don't be sad. Ill never leave you!" Finding that balance between discipline and pure love and devotion and giving-in because hes "just a baby" was really hard. Already.

I had seen it time and time again. "__________, (insert child name)you better come over here right now. Its naptime and were going upstairs." child smiles. continues watching TV. "Im counting to 3 and if youre not over here im coming to get you and youre getting a spanking." Child looks, uninterested at the what the mother is commanding, knowing there is no conviction, nor punishment behind them. Mother marches over angrily and the child leaps off the couch, finally complying. To which the mother, responds with "let's go."

No 1, 2, 3. No, spanking. No obedience. Its a vicious cycle. And one I wanted no part of. I want respect. I want obedience. I do not want to argue with my 2 year old over who is boss.

She even talked about this thing called the "Pause" where French mothers would pause and observe their child when they cried or cooed or attempted to communicate in some form. She said that the majority of French babies slept 12 hours a night at 6 weeks old. For me, a girl who spent a year of her recent life NIGHT NURSING 4 others women's babies, that seemed like a dream. I knew what was coming. Constant night wakings. Constant bottle makings. Except the difference was is that I was going to LOVE this baby wholeheartedly and want to spend every waking.. .and sleeping moment with him. But also that I was planning to breastfeed him. Something I had NO clue about. I had read all the books, trust me. I had written down every list- of medication, food that would cause gas, food that could cause allergies, symptoms for each condition like mastitis. I was prepared but I still felt like I had no clue what I was doing. For my million and a half hours of experience, at my 4000$ a month job of caring for others newborns, I really had no clue what I was getting myself into.

But I went to this class. And the lady was very kind, gentle, and committed to the idea that breastfeeding is the number 1 thing you can do, sacrifice you can make, to show you love your child. Yes, you will nurse more than if you bottle-fed. Yes, you will be up more in the night. Yes, you will be uncomfortable while you learn how all this works (although it should cause you any PAIN if YOU are doing it right). But health-wise its the BEST thing. And well- bonding. Theres just no comparison. "Studies have shown that mothers who have skin-to-skin contact right after their babies leave the birth canal, form better attachment styles with their surroundings (parents) are healthier and exhibit almost no trouble with breastfeeding. The babies will actually crawl wround their mother's chest in search of their nipple and will usually latch perfectly."

It all sounded so sweet. So .... BONDING :) I had read everything about mother's who were unable to breastfeed, but my mom nursed all four of us and she hardly even knew there was such thing as "problems" with nursing. My mother-in-law- SAME. So I assumed hey- Ill give the natural birth thing a try, no epidural. And then I will nurse my baby. And it will all go so easily.

Then he was born. this precious little bundle of joy. He didn't make a peep when he was born. They had to make him cry, cause he was fine just lying there. And I put him skin-to-skin with me. We were wheeled into the post-partum room soon after and I let him lie on my chest. Well... he didn't search. He kinda just got buried and wasn't strong enough to lift his head away from me, so he ws being essentially smothered. Without going into much detail, over the course of the next 2 days in the hospital, I was visited by at least 5 different lactation consultants, some nurses. NO SUCH LUCK getting him to latch. Nothing about my body was such that he was having a hard time with it. No inverted nipples or anything like that. Colostrum was there. He was given plenty of space and time. But he wanted absolutely NO PART OF IT. They were pushing his head against me by the end of my stay. Prying his mouth open, practically. Forcing me to pump and pump and pump. I developed blisters within only hours and then they started putting nipple shields on me to help. That didn't help and whatever sucking he did do, for a second or two, extracted nothing. By the end of my stay they forced me to give him formula.

Oh the tears I cried. All these fantasies of bonding and attachment to me and health. And it was not working out. My baby was literally starving and I had to do the dreaded thing that everyone said DONT DO if you don't want to ruin all your chances of success. Give him formula. Even just a few drops. That will ruin it all. But I had to because he had begun to get hungry and his blood sugar was having to be repeatedly checked cause he had been alive for almost 48 hours and not had a drop of anything in his stomach.

I cried for days when I returned home. I tried pumping every few hours and the most I ever got was a half ounce. It was so painful, from the engorgement and the blisters that I would sit in the nursery alone, sobbing, cringing with every pinch of the machine but forcing myself to continue. I couldn't give up on him. What if it was like this lady said. It was the healthiest. It was the most unselfish. And it was the only way to ensure that we would bond. If I gave up, I was selfish and he was screwed for life. For days this went on and on. I even remember leaving Jonny with my mom while Jonathan and I went out to babies r us to buy bottles and bottle supplies because I knew it wasn't working out. I knew that I had to prepare for the worst, cause it was happening. He held me in the parking lot for probably 10 minutes while I sobbed as hard as I could. I was such a failure. And now my baby was screwed for life because of my failure and my inability to do what was best for him.

The first two weeks were so emotional. And I even received advice such as "YOU CAN'T GIVE UP!" which was extremely UNHELPFUL. Is that what I was doing? GIVING UP?? Nothing was coming out. My nipples were bleeding. I was crying almost very hour. My baby refused to touch me no matter how hard or gently I forced him or begged him. NO MATTER how much skin-to-skin contact we did, me and Jonathan. NOTHING.





Why do I write all of this? Because there are some things I know to be true. And those are- Your child deserves good sleep. You are a better mom when you are well-rested. Doing your best is the best you can do. If you love your baby and you do what is best for him, he will turn out well, given the outside circumstances of his life are not harmful. You are the parent and this child was given to you, by God, to raise and make decisions for, until they can make them, themselves. And by golly- if you are going to do something like co-sleep or nurse your baby to sleep for every nap and bedtime, DONT change the rules on them! Commit to doing things and forming habits you can live with for life. As Baby Wise says "begin, as you mean to go."

All of this garbage Im writing was spawned from reading a chapter in this book called healthy sleep habits, happy child. It is wonderful. It confirms so much that I already believe, from experience, from common sense, and from reading other books. Statements like "Sleep problems in children may cause maternal depression," "You are harming your child when you allow unhealthy sleep patterns to evolve and/or persist- sleep deprivation is as UNHEALTHY as feeding a nutritionally deficient diet," and something as radical as "When your child is crying and she is not hungry , say to yourself, "My baby is crying because she loves me so much and wants my company, but she NEEDS to sleep. I know the value of good sleep, and I love my baby SO MUCH that I am going to let her sleep."

Although I couldn't control my baby's willingness or desire to breastfeed, I can control and value things such as SCHEDULE, PREDICTABILITY, HEALTHY SLEEP HABITS, SELF-SOOTHING and HEALTHY EATING HABITS.

Also- in reading all of the sleeping complaints of mothers in a facebook group I belong to: some babies- 10 months, others 6 months, and some even 2 years old, I was reminded of what some mothers said of the "12 hours.." book. they said "CIO is emotionally and physically damaging to your child. If you love your child, show them by coming to them when they cry. Babies do not have the power to manipulate as such a young age. SOME of us mothers are not selfish and actually enjoy seeing our baby when they wake and don't consider it a burden to be with them in the night"......

I almost have NO words to express the ridiculousness of this statement. Should we evaluate this logic?... on a scientific level? Ok! First of all- SLEEP, a biological need, is selfish? Ok, so wanting to eat when you are hungry, that is selfish too! ok! Every time my baby cries, whether because he is bored, overtired, doesn't feel like napping because he is overstimulated... do you really not believe that this HUMAN is smart enough to form simple associations like "Cry- mommy comes" when its been shown that babies as young as 6 months old can do MATH? Ok! And you think that mothers who perhaps have to supplement their husbands income by working during the day, have two other children.. they are selfish to NEED sleep and they are ACTUALLY BAD MOTHERS because they want to teach their child HEALTHY consistent sleep habits, so that they are well-rested which leads to scientifically proven things such as better focus, better retainability of information when learning, and even the ability to control negative emotions? That's selfish? To want your child to be healthy? Ok!

I am on this angry rampage because of the illogical and flat-out STUPID ideas of some mothers who would tell other mothers that NAPPING is not important and "do what YOU have to do to get by" and "If your baby doesn't like sleeping in their crib, then let them sleep in your bed." I think it is really sad to read and TO EXPERIENCE actually what this man is saying when he cites these studies of how maternal depression is actually linked to poor sleep habits in their children. When a woman has children and her children don't rest, she cannot rest. Her body is deprived of sleep and that is unhealthy. She is not selfish, her body is literally suffering. Some women's bodies are more able to withstand sleep deprivation. But it is not a sign of not loving your child or a sign of selfishness to physically need sleep. I have personally experienced the devastating effects of anorexia and bulimia in my life and seen what they do to someone's brain, when they are deprived of NUTRIENTS and health for proper brain function It causes depression and in the case I refer to, suicide. To suggest that sleep is any different, is a really sad thing. To put that burden on mothers and make them believe that if they are unable to breastfeed, and have that "crucial" skin to skin contact with their babies, they are somehow failing to provide necessary bonding. To put on mothers, that teaching their babies how to fall asleep on their own- a HEALTHY habit and one babies are VERY capable of learning at a young age- is harmful... that's really sad.

I went through sleep deprivation first hand when my son began waking for his pacifier every hour at 4 months old, all night, every night. When I complained to a group of women that I was really suffering, and I believe I was actually getting depressed and I was feeling so guilty for my lack of energy in engaging my son in playtime because I was SO tired from over a month of almost NO sleep and an inability to nap, it was met with "in several years, you wont remember naps" and it will be a thing of the past. What matters are not sleep habits, but loving God and loving others. It was a slap in the face to literally be depressed and physically suffering from sleep deprivation and to be told I was putting too much emphasis on the health of my child and myself..

Anyways-- this post was all over the place, but I hope it will help someone who is also struggling. Sleep is so crucial and poor sleep habits have devastating effects on young brains ability to focus and concentrate. You are the parent and you make the decisions to help them to learn to fall asleep and form good habits. Do not let others tell you, that sleep deprivation is not a problem. Do not let others tell you you just have a baby who apparently doesn't need sleep. Do not let anyone tell you are are selfish for needing sleep or trying to schedule your baby so that they have a predictable and easy life. It is your duty to make good decisions for this baby who DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR HIM. GOD HAS GIVEN YOU THIS CHILD TO RAISE. And just as you would not give your 6 month old candy and soda because "they don't really like veggies" you should not allow your baby to skip sleep because someone guilts you into believing that your desire to have your child sleep well is something other than wanting peace, health and happiness for your whole family.

Ok, thanks for listening :)

The most important lessons a mother can learn

1. Don't take the advice of another mom, as gospel. Many moms think differently than you and prioritize certain things, that you don't share. For instance, many moms do not value naps. But they do value portability. They bring their babies everywhere- tired or not. they keep them up til they feel like putting them down. And Ive found that often these babies give up naps all together as early as one year old. But studies have shown, and trust me, ive read them, that sleep is SO crucial to a 0-3 year old. Good sleep habits help SO many things: focus, self-control, mood, and many other things. They help babies to retain information and learn at quicker rates.

This is not meant as a judgment for ANY other moms, but I have found myself feeling guilty, like maybe I should let him skip naps when I need him to, but then I remind myself, we all pick our battles. If it worked for you, and you have a healthy, happy baby, and a good marriage and are not a worry-wart, then great. By all means, do what is best for you and your family. But I thrive on structure, and many babies do as well. I like to create a predictable environment to foster learning and development for my son. He is not in control of his surroundings and he does not know what is good for him so I choose to be a parent that makes the best decisions for him, and put myself second. I will always, also, put my marriage, or at least strive to, put my marriage before my kids. And that means good naps, so I can accomplish chores and daily tasks, so that he has a reasonable bedtime and good consistent sleep= so that my husband and I can always count on several hours before our bedtime to bond, talk, catch up, eat dinner together, watch a movie- whatever it is we want to do.

2. ALWAYS trust your own instincts before you trust advice that doesn't click with what you know or feel to be true for your baby. It took so many tears and so much despair for me to finally REFUSE to be told my son was fine, when I knew he wasn't. He ended up having a milk allergy and it took almost 2 months for me to get answers because I didn't want to cry wolf and I didn't want to tell a doctor I knew they were wrong. But finally, after talking to another mom friend and having her tell me about 10 times- "YOU KNOW YOUR BABY. YOU KNOW WHEN SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT. YOU ARE AROUND 24/7 AND IF YOU ARE BEING BLOWN OFF BY HIS PEDIATRICIAN, YOU MUST FIND A NEW ONE. A GOOD PEDIATRICIAN KNOWS TO VALUE A MOTHERS OPINION. AND YOU NEED TO HAVE THE CONFIDENCE TO STAND BY YOUR INSTINCTS AND MOTHERING SKILLS TO TELL THAT DOCTOR HE/SHE IS WRONG." That was such a crucial and hard lesson for me to learn. But the most important I think, almost any mother can learn. Our kids pediatricians often think they know everything because of experience or knowledge or training, but we forget that they provide only blanket advice and rarely have specific or random cases of something that they are willing to examine for OUR baby. And we often forget, I think, that we do now our babies. And we do know if something changes and something is wrong with them. Our pediatricians, though many are great, only see a glimpse of our child, one time a month or 3 months, even. And therefore we need to trust ourselves as these little angels have been entrusted to us to care for and get to know and make the best decisions possible for every part of their wellbeing- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.

This will be a running dialogue as my son is only 6 months old now and im sure there are just years and years of things to learn!!

Goals before baby #2 comes along..